God's
Little Clown
by Conny Larsson
Social Worker
From talks in Prasanthi Nilayam, 1997
Web Posted: August 26, 1999
Bangalore, INDIA
There is a story to my life, which I usually tell when I am visiting Prasanthi Nilayam. He (Baba)
invites me to do so [through your requests]. It is due to God's Grace alone that I am here, alive
and well today.
I was a fairly wealthy person [Mr. Larson was a well-known actor in Sweden in his youth], and
joined Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement when I was nineteen
years of age. I was his secretary, his masseur, and his night boy, i.e. I guarded him at night. In
1975 we had a difference of opinion due to certain circumstances and when he started charging very
large sums of money for a certain Transcendental Meditation course. I decided that this could not
be right and I told him so, an asked him to change it or stop it. I gave him four days to think
about it, after which I approached him again. He inferred that I was wrong, and he was right. I had
not agreed of his practices, and I therefore felt, that I had to leave him.
I had been very close to Mahesh Yogi and he had represented to me Truth. Truth was very essential
to me, and always had been. That is, as much of the truth as was possible in the West at that time.
Since I felt Mahesh Yogi had failed to keep to truth, I had to leave him. Referring to my statement
he said that I was 'unstressing' the karma that was 'coming from me'. From then, I gave him his
last nightly massage, kissed his feet, and left him.
Extremely disappointed at the events with Mahesh Yogi, and filled with anger I went back to Sweden,
and in a form of punishment to my past spiritual efforts, made more money and became richer than
ever. I decided that I wanted to live in a 'religious country'. I then emigrated to Sri Lanka where
I bought a large tract of land in Batticalou district near Eravur. We built villas on the beach. I
had built about forty villas at that time, but in order to get the necessary permission and
materials I had to do exactly what was against my very principles and bribe everyone, from
the tea boy to the Prime Minister! This was my 'religious country' where I had hoped to find truth!
My ideals were being more and more shattered in the world, my illusions were all dissipated and I
became terribly depressed in my daily life. I was in the habit of walking along the beach in the
early mornings and sunsets, thinking of my life.
One morning when I was on my walks on the beach, the corpses of three young fisher boys were washed
up on to the sands. As they lay there, they somehow represented to me the three gunas 2
(attributes) of, Sattwa (purity), Rajas (activity), and Thamas (sloth) in
equilibrium. At the age of six I had almost drowned, and had been pulled out of the water
unconscious and was revived. When I saw these three boys something in me was affected and I decided
to end my life. I thought, "This is the end". I went very early in the morning and prayed, "Oh God,
if you exist please come and save me!"
I had never heard of Sai Baba. I went the next morning crying and praying intensely in my state of
turmoil, to Jesus, to Allah, to Buddha, to Mohammed—but no one came, there was no response. In
desperation I then began walking into the sea and for about seventy meters and felt the sand
sucking me in. A man with a shock of frizzy hair, dressed only in an orange colored skirt (dhoti),
bare from the waist up and exhibiting a round pot belly, waved to me. I thought he must be one of
the battique sellers who often hang around the beach, selling to tourists. I yelled at him angrily,
"Go away!". But he simply kept waving at me, to come to shore. I became irritated with him, but he
would not give up, so finally I ignored him and just continued walking out into the sea.
Suddenly I felt someone's powerful hand grab me by the neck and the shoulders and pushed me out of
the water and lift me and carry me towards a hut. Inside, the hut was empty except for a large
picture of a man with a frizzy afro-hairstyle dressed in a red gown. He resembled my rescuer, who
stood on one side of the picture, and I stood on the other side. He pointed at the picture and
said, "Sai Baba. Go to Him."
I ran back in a frenzy to the hotel where I was staying and, out-of-breath, asked the receptionist,
"Who is Sai Baba?". Very calmly and without any expression, as if his statement was a simple fact
he replied, "He is God." I replied in a loud astonished voice, "God?!!!". He said, "Yes" casually
and he took up the phone and dialed a number. I thought, "He is dialing God!?". He obtained another
number and was then told where Baba was.
In my hotel room I packed some clothes and jumped into a taxi to go to Colombo where I obtained
travelers checks. The Bank Manager and the teller said, "So you are going to Sai Baba?". I said,
"What?!". How would they know? I thought I was going crazy.
At the airport the immigration official took my passport and pressed down his large stamp on it
with a loud bang, and it sounded BA-BA, loud and clear. I just stared at him completely
bewildered with my mouth open.
I flew to Madras and then to Bangalore. In Bangalore I boarded a bus, which was completely filled
up to the brim. I took the only seat which was suspiciously left empty. A lady boarded the bus and
said to me, "You are in my seat". I said, "No." My persistance didn't help and I was thrown off the
bus. In Sweden (and Sri Lanka) we pay the tickets on the bus itself and I did not know that here, I
was supposed to reserve a seat. I got on the bus again and was thrown off again. The bus was now
packed to the doors. Somehow I hanged my way in and said to the driver in a loud voice, "You are
not going to throw me off this bus again!" After a lot of disagreements, he eventually conceded and
said I could sit on the 'oven'. The temperature at the time was about 90 degrees F outside and
inside probably 120 degrees F. The 'oven' was the engine, which was openly displayed and visible
from within the bus in those days. There I sat on a journey of about 100 miles, with my legs spread
wide, being scolded by the heat. Now, I must tell you how strange my appearance must have been to
the other passengers on this journey, who were staring at me with their mouths open. I was wearing
huge sunglasses, as was in fashion in those days (and only usually worn by women today), a large
brimmed pick straw-hat like a sombrero, a short T-shirt which left my stomach bare, and thorn
shorts... In this condition I proceeded to Puttaparthi.
After much toil and strife, heat and sweat, the bus finally arrived in Puttaparthi. I got off the
bus and walked with my legs wide apart, due to the blisters and burns I had gotten from sitting on
'the oven'. I arrived at the Accommodation Office, and was given a key to my room and was told to
go to West Prasanthi. This was in 1978 when there were very few buildings at Puttaparthi. I opened
the door of the room, and there was nothing in it but the strands of an Indian brush strewn
all over the floor!
Now, I had been used to living in luxury hotels, eating the best of foods and generally living like
a king. I rushed to the accommodation office flustered and shouted, "Sir, sir! Someone has
stolen all the furniture from my room!" The man at the office calmly replied, "Sir, you have
not come for the comfort of the body, but for the Spirit."
I then went for darshan. Baba came out directly opposite where the Ganesha statue is placed.
He came to me, caught hold of me and said, "So, you have come at last. Where do you come from?" I
replied, "Sweden." He said, "No. Sri Lanka."
The following day I went to darshan and on my left a leper sat down. He was missing some
limbs, half his face was missing, he was dirty, and reeking of old urine. I turned disgusted to the
man on the other side of me and said, "Sir, please remove this fellow sitting next to me."
The man just said, "Sai Ram."
In the TM the front seats had always been reserved for kings and princes, VIP's, parliamentarians,
etc., and the poor were hidden at the back. I was not used to this. Baba came out and I thought,
"Oh, he is coming to talk to me." He indeed came towards me. He looked at me, bent down and
took hold of the leper, lifted him up and said, "Go."
The leper was the only one to have an interview that day.
I was shocked and ashamed of myself. I went to my room, had a shower, and cried literally all
night. I cried in shame. Not only had my life been saved (at that time I had still not really
accepted that the man on the beach was one and the same as Baba), but Baba had washed away all my
impurities. I returned to Sri Lanka and ran to the hut where my previous 'savior' had taken me. I
knocked on the door and a lady came out. I asked, "Can I talk to your son."
"I have no son," she replied. "Your husband, perhaps?" I asked. But she said, "I have no husband."
I then tried, "The man with the big hair dressed in a red skirt..?" She simply shook her head. I
was still not sure who this man was and it was only years later that Baba positively identified
Himself as the person on the beach who had saved me.
Many years later, after one of my visits to Swami, I had returned to Sweden. I was breeding race
horses at the time and during one incident, I was trampled by a horse and my left knee was badly
crushed. I was put in the hospital and my leg was in a cast. When there, some friends came to the
hospital and asked me to take a group to Swami. The doctor said that it was out of the question and
that I would not be able to walk for at least six months. My friends were insistent and so I went
with them, hobbling along on crutches. I sat at darshan with my leg straight out and scared
of anyone touching my leg, naturally every second person passing me kicked the leg. Swami took our
group in for an interview. I hobbled in on crutches. In the interview Swami said to me, "Get up
without the crutches." I protested, "No!"
He said, "Get up," and repeated this a third time. Somehow I got up and as I did so I felt a surge
of energy shooting through my leg from the foot right through my body to my head. I was able to
walk normally and unaware, started dancing around like a fool shouting, "I can walk, I can walk!"
When we walked out of the interview room, I held my crutches high over my head for all to see.
Some years later in an interview Swami said, "What do you do?" I said, "I build houses and sell
them." He said, "No good."
The following day He again repeated this question which I answered the same way, and again on the
next day He repeated the question and I gave the same answer and said, "If it is no good, what
should I do?".
He said, "Get rid of everything." I said, "No!"
He repeated the instruction and again I said, "No!" And again, he repeated it and again I answered,
"No!" After much persuasion I suddenly realized that he wanted me to get out of my attachments and
devote myself to God totally and I agreed. I asked Baba to whom I should disperse the property. He
looked at me casually, and with lifted eyebrows said "To anyone."
I went to Sri Lanka. The first person I saw when I returned, I took to my attorney and had him draw
up papers making over my whole estate to this man who thus became an instant millionaire since my
estate was worth 22 million dollars. Now, I thought, Baba will take me in as his massage boy,
secretary, and night boy, as I had been with the Maharishi and thus I would live for the rest of my
days.
I went back to Prasanthi Nilayam and for several days Baba ignored me. Then he called me in, spoke
to several other people, looked past me, above me, and behind me, so I knew there was trouble
brewing! Finally he called me in for a private interview. He said, "Now you go home." I was shocked
and stunned. I looked at him and said very emphatically and in a loud voice, "NO!"
He repeated the instruction and again I said, "No!" He repeated it again and I said, "No Baba! You
told me to get rid of everything. I gave away an estate worth 22 million dollars and I don't have a
cent to my name now. How can I go home?"
He said, "You must go home. I have work for you."
I said, "In Sri Lanka?". He said, "No. Sweden."
I said, "Sweden!! How can I go? I have nothing!"
He said, "I will take care."
He added, "Go back and you will receive a telephone call from a lady. Whatever her third question
is you will answer 'Yes'."
He provided me with a ticket to Sweden where I still had a small cottage to my name. As I had
nothing particular to do but was waiting for the call, I spent my days alone singing
bhajans. My neighbors, hearing the strange singing, were suspicious and began thinking I had
some mental problems. On the third day a lady telephoned me. Her third question was, "Can I come
and see you with a friend?" and I said, "Yes."
She arrived with a young boy, whose eyes were rolling, his arms were flying around and he was
obviously high on drugs. The lady explained that she had heard that I had been with Sai Baba and
she wanted me to assist in her work of trying to stabilize and reform hardened criminals and drug
addicts. By the end of the day, she left and put the boy in my charge. I didn't know what to do
with him. He had fallen asleep and when he awoke, I asked him to tell me his life story. It was the
usual story of a child who had been abused and had taken to crime. When he finished his story I
said to him, "Now, would you like to hear my story?" He consented and I told him the same story I
have told you today.
This is now the method I use to try to rehabilitate these men and boys. If after hearing my story
they break down and cry, then I know they are ready for me to help them and to take them to Swami,
who completely transforms them.
This is now my work. Today, I am in charge of an institute, which takes in seemingly hopeless cases
of criminals and drug-addicts from prisons and rehabilitation centers when we feel they are ready,
after serving a trial period with us. Some of these men and boys are very dangerous criminals and
kept under special surveillance. When they arrive, I lock myself in the room alone with them and
ask them to tell me their life story. When they are finished, I ask if they would like to hear
my story. If they say, 'No,' I know they are not ready to be changed and they are sent back
into police custody. This is how we chose them to transform their habits.
Conny is still running his rehabilitation center in Sweden, amongst many other activities. Many
of Conny’s inmates are very dedicated to Swami and are showered with His blessings and support for
their inner transformation.
